Learning to fly

Not shown: me, flying

Many readers have written in to say how amazing I am, how astonishing and creative my posts are. I am glad that my posts are out there for all my fans to read and enjoy. I usually just write up the most exciting parts of my day, because those are surely the most fun to read about. But today I would like to talk about all the hard work that goes into being a sentient ball of goo. I know it looks like I can just spontaneously form myself into any old thing like a ball of yarn or a kitten (and I can!) but sometimes getting the details just right can be a lot of hard work. It's worth it, though: the satisfaction of achieving precisely the right shape is tremendous.

Lately my friends and I have been trying to fly. I am at a tremendous advantage to them, because humans are pretty much fleshy water bottles with sticks, whereas I am continuously deformable. Still, it's pretty tricky. I thought at first that maybe I could transform myself into a giant bat-wing and flap away, but the bat-wing exhibited some performance problems, including poor control for pitch and yaw. It also did not photograph well.

This photo here shows my next design iteration. I hit upon the idea of improving stability by forming myself into a deranged blob with bat-wings. My blob design has excellent stability characteristics and is much more pleasing to the eye. But as you can see the wings are rather small and thin and I was not to leave the table.

Flying is pretty tough, even for someone as amazing as myself. I want to find a shape that is both aesthetically pleasing and can fly well. Rest assured, I'll keep working on this, and you'll be the first to know when I succeed. In the meantime, keep up the fan mail! I love you ALL!