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Saturday, March 16, 2013

Let me share with you my thoughts on exoskeletons: part 1


I have been spending a lot of time thinking about this question: "what are your thoughts on exoskeletons?"

This is not such a simple question! At first I was tempted to post this glib response:

"""Exoskeletons are rigid external coverings that burden their bearers at each point in time with a well-defined position and volume. They are closed, defining an "inside" and an "outside."  
As regular readers know, I am my own complement. As a result, I find it difficult to think about concrete spatial concepts like "closed" and "open." I prefer to think about the space between us as an invitation to explore, a place to extrude and play. 
The idea that someone would choose to embody the concept of closedness in its person is abhorrent to me, because they are closing off that invitation. "Don't play in here," they are saying. 
In short, I find exoskeletons morally and intellectually repellent."""

But then I thought about it for a while, and I realized that some of the world's most successful species have exoskeletons! Sure, maybe ants and termites are boring, but beetles come in an astonishing variety of shapes and colors, just like me!

So I decided to put my entomophobia aside and spend some time with an exoskeleton. "Pack your bags!" I told my friends. "And hold on to your apodemes! We are moving into an exoskeleton!"

-- keep your feelers looking out for part 2, coming soon!
-- thanks again to wikipedia for the image! photo credit goes to Fir0002/Flagstaffotos

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

The tremendous demonstration

As regular readers of my blog know, I love to teach. Sharing my unique knowledge and perspective on the world gives me immense satisfaction, and will in all future possible worlds bring me great fame and countless facebook "likes."

One of my favorite teaching techniques is what I call the "Tremendous Demonstration." It goes something like this: I state a thesis, do something totally amazing, the audience applauds, then I blush and say "thank you! ... thank you! ... thank you!" as I leave the stage; then I spend the evening responding to fan mail. It is a pleasure.

I find that the deeper the truth revealed, the more tremendous the demonstration required to prove my point.  For example, I was recently lecturing a group of physicists on the origins of motion when one of them blurted out (1):
!

The others nodded along in agreement.

Newton's 2nd law, a counter-example
"If that were true," I said, "how could I do... this!" and I showed them how a constant force can lead to accelerations that aren't even differentiable, let alone constant (see picture).

"Perhaps," the physicist mused, "your will manifests as a physical force?"

Now, the physicist had a good point because my will actually can manifest as a "physical" force. As it turns out, my entire being is an act of will. But I had to do something: the other physicists were growing excited, and one of them had taken out some sort of gadget she felt could illuminate the situation. It had an unpleasant, angular look to it.

I was not about to let a lucky hunch and some excitable but not very open-minded academics run all over my prepared notes. The right course of action, I decided, was to deflect the conversation from my amazing willpower and focus it on something else, such as my unbounded hugeness. So I opened my true mouth an infinitesimal sliver and gave them a taste of the black seas of infinity and showed them the location of their placid little island of calm within those grand, dark vistas (2).

There was a long silence. The physicist put away her angular gadget. Several were taking notes, trying to write down and comprehend what they had just seen. I gave them another moment to take it all in before returning to my lecture. Later, I found that this one brief lecture had spawned a number of peculiar submissions to academic journals, on topics ranging from Philosophy to Religion to Physics. I am happy that I was able to inspire my audience, but in the future I think I will keep my lectures more grounded and avoid discussions of mechanics.

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Footnotes!
(1) thanks wikipedia! Everyone donate to wikipedia!
(2) paraphrased from

Monday, March 4, 2013

Flightspo

Not feeling it

Sometimes, no matter how hard we try, things do not work out the way we want them to. Maybe you feel like you are being stretched and pulled in every direction at once. Or maybe you have dreamed all your life of flying, but all you can manage is a few flaps before crashing down and bouncing up again, because you are made of goop, and you bounce, and it is embarrassing that you cannot fly and you always always fall down and become smooshed and distorted and only through tremendous effort can you pull yourself together again.

Dream the dream!
At times like these, I like to remember the dream: I dream of the ground beneath me, the air flowing over my noodly wings, the feeling of total freedom that comes from being lost in the sky and the clouds and the sun. That dream carries me forward. That dream makes me a better Polyp. I want to share my dream, all of my dreams!, and I want you to share yours, and together we can believe in each other and make it ok that we fail, and together we can try again.