2013 Summer Movie Confusion

This year's crop of summer movies is causing more confusion than usual. In 2011, many people asked if I had guest-starred as Driller in Transformers 3; a most kind flattery but unfortunately not true. 2012 passed mostly without incident: while I admire their work, nobody would confuse me with Hulk or the abominations in Prometheus. Only a few crude imbeciles inquired about the mirror in Snow White and the Huntsman.

A number of characters in the 2013 movie season, however, bear a passing resemblance to me. Perhaps the success of my blog and facebook page have attracted Hollywood's eye? And why would they not be attracted? My adventures transcend time, space, and the beyond, but I am no mere adrenaline junky. I have also branched into documentary and romance. With a famous blog covering the whole of human experience, Hollywood ought to be copying me. It is their duty. I demand it.

Having said that, I would like to clear up a few misunderstandings about the 2013 movie season. For your reference, to the right is a picture of me dressed up like a slug.

1. I am not "Turbo"

Turbo is the underdog story of an ordinary Helix Aspersum with dreams of racing greatness. Turbo has adorable goofy eyes and a winning grin. I expect I will enjoy this movie tremendously when it is released in July. However, he is no Polyp: regular readers have no doubt already noted that I detest exoskeletons and will never again saddle myself with such an encumberance. While we are both optimistic dreamers with extraordinary gifts, I am compelled to point out that Turbo's are thrust upon him by dramatic necessity. The truth of my own gifts is a more complex tale.

2. I am neither Mub the slug nor Grub the snail in "Epic"

Magnificent creatures, both, but look closely: they have tiny eyes and are far too jiggly. They move like bloated water sacks, perhaps animated by Msrs. Navier and Stokes? And finally, for the life of me I cannot place their accents. I have traveled the world and never have I heard such astonishing speech, all rounded vowels and swagger. I must study this bizarre speech more.

3. Neither am I the slug in "Monster University"

This helpless creature offends me. I am not he, and I refuse to watch a movie that treats the wobbliest among us with such disrespect.

4. Am I the inspiration for Kaiju in "Pacific Rim"?

This seems much less clear to me. I have had my moments, after all. 

Watch this clip and decide for yourselves. Post in the comments or e-mail me and let me know what you think! 

I am surrounded by your poison but love will conquer all

I am not often criticized, but when I am it is usually by the cynical. "Polyp," they will say. "Polyp! Polyp! Polyp!" They want attention, like a child. "Polyp!!!" But of course they cannot get my attention with their tiresome ejaculations, because I do not pay heed to negativity.

Today, perhaps these wicked ones are saying, "you shouldn't be so trusting; remember what happened with the Pony?" or, "why did you take seven weeks off," or, "life is not a Disney movie!"

But life really is like a Disney movie, or at least like Seabiscuit. Because when you believe in yourself and empower others to be their best you unlock your own miraculous potential: to overcome adversity, to imagineer a better tomorrow. Spoiler alert: when Team Seabiscuit works together, they win at the game of life. So can you.

So when eager lips trip over themselves to share some poisonous observation, do not succumb to the temptation to dunk their heads in noodle soup while screaming "make better decisions!" Remember the tremendous blessing of your own imperfection and empower yourself to rise above with this little rhyme:

Sticks and stones
I have no bones
But names will only spur me to temporarily dissolve into a puddle of goo before rising up once more, greater and lovelier and temporarily filled with desire to shove your face in some noodle soup.

Doing good in the neighborhood

Be free and suffer no more, my friend

This photo makes me so, so sad. Who are you, mystery bauble? Why are you locked away in there with your bulbous eyes and eight-ball belly?

I vow to free you. I will free all of the plasticy-baubly-things!  I will send my great googly-eyes long and far searching for the evil beings who trapped your placid race;
they will soon hear my long polyp-moan haunting their dreams, a premonition of my coming!

Will they read the ill omen in the stars? I hope they do. I hope they see it, and pay final respects to their gods, because when I find them my ocean of rage will gloop down upon them and sweep them away, and I will consume them utterly; their breath I shall render into firmament, their bones into earth and their teeth into mountains; with their flesh I will create the trees and from their fat, the animals. With their souls I will ignite a sun, and into this new paradise my plasticy-baubly-friends will enter, and suffer no more.

Fan mail Q&A!

Anonymous asks in comments:

Polyp, what do you think of the human concept of culture? Do patterns in human behavior interest you as they manifest themselves culturally? Or do these delineations seem arbitrary at such an abstract level? I recall your observation that many human constructs were made out of fear for our "own cosmic insignificance." I tend to agree. But I wonder, would you say the same for culture? Is it an entirely useless concept?

What a complex, nuclear bomb of a question! I am glad you asked me this because there is a lot to unpack here.

I will start at the end and work my way backwards. You ask, "Is [culture] an entirely useless concept?" But your human language has failed you, because utility is necessarily tied to the individual, it is not a general truth. In a better language, you would be unable to even formulate that question.

To attempt an interpretation, perhaps you are asking, "Is [culture] an entirely useless concept to you [Polyp]?" and the answer is an emphatic no! If you could see past time and space and perceive and navigate ideas as partial realities, as I do, then you would perceive that my googly eyes are spread throughout your thought-spaces, your present and future creative, intellectual, and political output. I navigate this dynamic web of potentialities as I struggle against the warlike Blobimals and other, less savory things. As you create and strive, this space expands, becoming stronger and richer, like a tree growing roots in the soil. It is not useless.

Me vs The Blobimals in one of the infinite potentialities

Victory... for now

You are correct that I am not interested in the patterns of your behavior. I am interested in your particular, individual behaviors, and the interplay of ideas and emotions that result. Your cosmic fears drive you towards difficult sublime truths, some beautiful, some terrifying. Each of you discovers them in your own way. It is wonderful.

That some behaviors are repetitive means the discovered cultural tapestry has a familiar, human feel. I have learned, from careful study, that the patterns are not arbitrary: they are ancient and well-known. They vary over time but are so self-similar as to be classifiable and predictable. But I do not bother too much to study the larger patterns; instead I exalt in each thread and its intersections.

Readers, what do you think? Is culture useful to you? Is aggregated human behavior more meaningful than the individual? What if individuals are self-similar?

Let me share with you my thoughts on exoskeletons: part 2

This is the second post in a multi-part series on exoskeletons. Please see part one for important background information!

Selecting the right exoskeleton

Finding the right exoskeleton is tough. First, you have to find something that is big enough for you and all of your personal items.

Below you can see some of the first shells I tried on. While of course I can fit into any enclosure I wish, I decided to stay at the size you are accustomed to seeing me at. This way my friends and I are optimally framed in photographs.

Mr Hatisphere

Come one come all!

Hemisphere just said something really funny

As you can see, Mr Hemisphere makes for a handsome shell. He is also great fun to hang out with. However, he can also be a bit of a loose cannon and I feel that it is important to keep well-defined boundaries with him. What if my exoskeleton snuck off in the middle of the night to go to clubbing? Mr Hemisphere, I am afraid to say, is a bit of a flibbertigibbet.

Perfection is boring

So I found some slightly larger, totally inanimate pieces of plastic to call home. The two pieces complemented each other quite nicely, and when assembled just-so clearly delineated an "inside" and an "outside." This inside/outside distinction was just what I was looking for! And so I spent some time with the plastics, in both the "closed" inside/outside construction and the "open" or "ambiguous" form.

For a while, we were happy together. But while theoretically perfect, the plastics lacked the breezy charm of Mr Hemisphere and I soon grew bored with them. Yes, I had it all, and I threw it away! Theirs was a stale perfection, an unbearable trap: I hunger for the stimulation of imperfection -  the romance of conflict - the gradual unearthing of that which was obscured. These perfect plastics, transparent, open (closed), and without guile: they would not do. And so I left the plastics to continue my search... alone.

Come back, Mr Hemisphere!

Will I, Polyp, ever find just the right exoskeleton? What lessons will I learn? Do I still hate bugs? STAY TUNED FOR PART 3!!!

Let me share with you my thoughts on exoskeletons: part 1

I have been spending a lot of time thinking about this question: "what are your thoughts on exoskeletons?"

This is not such a simple question! At first I was tempted to post this glib response:

"""Exoskeletons are rigid external coverings that burden their bearers at each point in time with a well-defined position and volume. They are closed, defining an "inside" and an "outside."  

As regular readers know, I am my own complement. As a result, I find it difficult to think about concrete spatial concepts like "closed" and "open." I prefer to think about the space between us as an invitation to explore, a place to extrude and play. 

The idea that someone would choose to embody the concept of closedness in its person is abhorrent to me, because they are closing off that invitation. "Don't play in here," they are saying. 

In short, I find exoskeletons morally and intellectually repellent."""

But then I thought about it for a while, and I realized that some of the world's most successful species have exoskeletons! Sure, maybe ants and termites are boring, but beetles come in an astonishing variety of shapes and colors, just like me!

So I decided to put my entomophobia aside and spend some time with an exoskeleton. "Pack your bags!" I told my friends. "And hold on to your apodemes! We are moving into an exoskeleton!"

-- keep your feelers looking out for part 2, coming soon!
-- thanks again to wikipedia for the image! photo credit goes to Fir0002/Flagstaffotos

The tremendous demonstration

As regular readers of my blog know, I love to teach. Sharing my unique knowledge and perspective on the world gives me immense satisfaction, and will in all future possible worlds bring me great fame and countless facebook "likes."

One of my favorite teaching techniques is what I call the "Tremendous Demonstration." It goes something like this: I state a thesis, do something totally amazing, the audience applauds, then I blush and say "thank you! ... thank you! ... thank you!" as I leave the stage; then I spend the evening responding to fan mail. It is a pleasure.

I find that the deeper the truth revealed, the more tremendous the demonstration required to prove my point.  For example, I was recently lecturing a group of physicists on the origins of motion when one of them blurted out (1):

!

The others nodded along in agreement.

Newton's 2nd law, a counter-example

"If that were true," I said, "how could I do... this!" and I showed them how a constant force can lead to accelerations that aren't even differentiable, let alone constant (see picture).

"Perhaps," the physicist mused, "your will manifests as a physical force?"

Now, the physicist had a good point because my will actually can manifest as a "physical" force. As it turns out, my entire being is an act of will. But I had to do something: the other physicists were growing excited, and one of them had taken out some sort of gadget she felt could illuminate the situation. It had an unpleasant, angular look to it.

I was not about to let a lucky hunch and some excitable but not very open-minded academics run all over my prepared notes. The right course of action, I decided, was to deflect the conversation from my amazing willpower and focus it on something else, such as my unbounded hugeness. So I opened my true mouth an infinitesimal sliver and gave them a taste of the black seas of infinity and showed them the location of their placid little island of calm within those grand, dark vistas (2).

There was a long silence. The physicist put away her angular gadget. Several were taking notes, trying to write down and comprehend what they had just seen. I gave them another moment to take it all in before returning to my lecture. Later, I found that this one brief lecture had spawned a number of peculiar submissions to academic journals, on topics ranging from Philosophy to Religion to Physics. I am happy that I was able to inspire my audience, but in the future I think I will keep my lectures more grounded and avoid discussions of mechanics.

-------------
Footnotes!
(1) thanks wikipedia! Everyone donate to wikipedia!
(2) paraphrased from

Flightspo

Not feeling it

Sometimes, no matter how hard we try, things do not work out the way we want them to. Maybe you feel like you are being stretched and pulled in every direction at once. Or maybe you have dreamed all your life of flying, but all you can manage is a few flaps before crashing down and bouncing up again, because you are made of goop, and you bounce, and it is embarrassing that you cannot fly and you always always fall down and become smooshed and distorted and only through tremendous effort can you pull yourself together again.

Dream the dream!

At times like these, I like to remember the dream: I dream of the ground beneath me, the air flowing over my noodly wings, the feeling of total freedom that comes from being lost in the sky and the clouds and the sun. That dream carries me forward. That dream makes me a better Polyp. I want to share my dream, all of my dreams!, and I want you to share yours, and together we can believe in each other and make it ok that we fail, and together we can try again.

New friend: A Silent Story of Love and Tenderness; three triptychs, in vertical sequence, shot on HTC Sensation just this Saturday (Morning)

Art star

Being an internet star is great. I set lofty goals for myself and track my progress in pageviews and klout. A few more "like"s and I will unlock the next level of Facebook Insights! And then, my friends, I will know everything about you. In aggregate.

Watching this project take off is more rewarding than staring at the sky ever was, and my new friends and I really enjoy posing for the camera. My photographer says it is because we are vapid and self-obsessed. I told him that as a Pop icon I reflect, enhance, and sublimate the world around me, so if he feels that we contribute nothing it must be because his own tendency to nihilism, despair, and self-destruction offers nothing for us to work with. "A million times zero," I said, "is still zero." Then he started crying and told me that he loved me and we held hands and I stroked his hair while he threw up from all the vodka we had been drinking.

Behind the scenes at a Polyp photo shoot

But the best part is hearing from you, my fans, about all the ways I've touched you and brought you up from your natural sloth to greatness. Beloved fan K left the couch long enough to write me this beautiful Valentine poem:

In Brooklyn, NEw (sic) York,
A red Polyp grows!
It blogs a mighty blog
about its wins and its woes!
Its friends are legion
and it fears no foes (sic)!
From whence it came?
NoBoDy (sic) KNows (sic)!

K, I want you to know that you touched me with your sincere delivery and that you and all my other fans are my #1!! Thanks for taking the time to share this with me.

Everyone: remember, the next time you are feeling like things are not right, that you are not on track, stop for a moment. Think about me, and everything will be ok.

Q & A Time!

My facebook friends and I are having an awesome time "like"ing each others' posts and sharing our exploits. I thought it was all for fun, but things got very real & serious all of a sudden when a fan asked me: What are you?

At first I was taken aback and confused - these questions again? I have been hounded by these false accusations over and over again, ever since my first wholly misunderstood manifestations. So please let me put this topic to rest once and for all. Blake, a truly unwell man given to huffing engraving byproducts, once wrote about me:

...They see the Ulro, a vast Polypus of living fibres down into the Sea of Time & Space growing, a self-devouring monstrous Human Death...

Totally misconstrued! Not Ulro!

and I just want to make it very clear that this was a total misunderstanding of the situation! There are two sides to every story and this is just the mean side ! I was trying to help! So please stop asking me about it! If I were a vast self-devouring death polyp from doomtown this blog would be way more boring and have fewer pictures of me goofing around!

Me, as one of you

But then I took a deep breath and realized that my curious fan probably wasn't asking about that. The question was probably more, like, "what are you about? How can your fans relate to you when you are goopy and shiny and many-as-one, and we are not?"  But the answer is: I am just like you!

The importance of friend time

Lately, I have been very busy with touring and speaking engagements. Meeting new people and talking about myself is fun, but all the parties and glamour and finer points of etiquette can be so tiresome! Last week I was attending a gala reception, politely gumming some crab cakes, when somebody asked me my opinion on immigration reform. My response was variously described in the local media as "shocking," "scandalous," and "politically tone-deaf." I will spare you the details, but suffice it to say that I can hardly tell two humans apart, let alone understand the need for a political class. If you do not want to comprehend the true depths of your equality, if the fear of your own cosmic insignificance motivates your absurd need to invent ridiculous categories for each other, and if you do not realize that it is ludicrous to attempt an ordering where none is justified or even possible, then certainly do not ask me about it.

After the incident with the press and the Senator, my agent insisted that I take some time off, and for once I agreed with her. I wanted to spend time with my friends! I wanted to dance and sing! So, I canceled an upcoming panel discussion ("Correcting the Lunisolar Calendar Once and For All Time: The Endless Year of Polyp") and headed home for some much needed me-time.

Red Rover with my buddies

Reunited at last, we sang and we danced and we played Red Rover. I am very fond of this game, perhaps because I am continuously deformable, and have never lost. Also, many of my friends have no hands. After several rounds of Red Rover, and some time practicing my flying, I feel rejuvenated and ready to get back to work. Hooray!

Simplicity

one. year. staring. into. the sky.

Perhaps you have been wondering how it is I came to start a blog.

For years, I searched high and low looking for the secret to living a simple life. Letting go, meditating, staying calm: to me, these were the traps of a false simplicity. I spent a year staring vacant into the sky, trying to clear my mind; another locked in battle with a giant squid at the bottom of the ocean. Nothing helped.

Then one day, it hit me. All this rumination had led me nowhere because I am not simple. What I was looking for wasn't simplicity, it was purpose. Purpose is like simplicity because they both afford clarity of mind, but better because you don't have to be boring. For me simplicity implies inner peace, calmness. But truly, I ache with passion for the hugeness of it all. So I said goodbye to my fake simplicity and hello to bold purpose: a lush new life as an internet star.

First fan site!

First among equals

An eagle-eyed reader spotted this Polyp fan site and brought it to my attention. I'm so glad they did because the folks at Archie McPhee are terrific! They have some really amazing photos in their photostream and you should totally check them out. However they are too modest by far and I want to bring everyone's attention to this wonderful  homage they made for me.

While they do not mention Polyp's Pride anywhere at all, and the creative commons license on this image specifically asks that I not claim they endorse me, I think we can all agree to read between the lines together. And what I'm seeing here between the lines is that they have created a kind of Polypy nativity scene: Polyp rises from the noodly primordial goo at the beginning of time, my first triumph. A big day for me.

Of course, this image is a figurative abstraction. In order to truly represent those first gasping, desperate moments when the universe began, you would need many more colors and dimensions and also to be gasping and desperate. Things were really tough back then because the universe was very small but also filled all space, twisting around and back into itself. It was simultaneously completely bounded by all non-zero measures but also was infinitely huge and vast because it filled and consumed and was everything. I believe this Archie McPhee image hints at the pivotal moment where, now existing, I took a leap of desire Out of the Deep Madness and took mastery over the reins of destiny, riding the afterbirth of creation to the ends of time - and back.

After a while, things calmed down enough for me to relax and start this blog. Reader, thanks for this blast from the past. Your thank-you gift is in the mail!

Late night overshare

As a hyper-dimensional being from outer space, I can tell you that the earth is a pretty swell place. Your species share special complementary shapes and engage in particularly generous, sensuous coupling. I tried this once but we both agreed it was awkward.

While I am wildly sensual, as I am my own complement there can be none like me that are not myself. I surround myself with amazing friends and make the hijinks for my fans, but I cannot always hide my utter despair at being so uniquely alone. My noodly appendages dance only for you; there is no secret Other I hope to attract. I need you to love me, here, today, because there is no other polyp to take your place. I am the first, the last, the only; I am all of my people, and I love you.

It's flu vaccine season!!!

This is the amazing season where humans peer pressure each other into Doing the Right Thing. Polyp is here to help!

Taking my friends to get vaccinated. Some people need a little extra convincing.

Fever, aches, headache. I hear it's awful, all that snuffling. While I am immune to all disease, I am not immune to feeling sympathy for the immense, whiny suffering of others. And so yesterday I devoted myself to encouraging all my friends to get vaccinated. After a little cajoling, I think everyone agreed with me that getting vaccinated was the right thing to do. You can do your part too! Get vaccinated and take exciting, pro-vac pictures like the one above! Then you can e-mail them to me & I will post them on my blog & we can be vaccination buddies. Go team vac!

Puppy saves the day

Justify my love

I was recently invited to give a talk at a conference in Geneva. My research topics cover a staggering breadth of topics, ranging from sociology and biology to theoretical physics, astrology, and history, so it was hardly a surprise that I was asked to speak. The invitation was for me to discuss my recent findings regarding the true, goopy nature of the universe. I decided instead to present on an as-yet unpublished topic: an entirely new formulation of economic theory revolving around myself.

I hate travelling alone, so I asked this small plastic toy if it wanted to go with me. I'm really glad Puppy came with me because the Swiss are a fierce people. They rejected the central thesis of my work - this has never happened before - and were jeering at me before I even finished the introduction, entitled: "A Humble Response to the Supplicants." I don't think they even took the time to really understand what I was saying.

I was really upset after the conference. Even though I could have easily smothered their dissent with a few well-placed noodly appendages, what I truly wanted was their acceptance and friendship. And no amount of smothering people with goo can gain  you that.

 Luckily Puppy was there to see me through that dark time. Puppy likes it when I extrude myself onto him, as you can see here in this photo. Thanks, Puppy, for making everything ok again!

Learning to fly

Not shown: me, flying

Many readers have written in to say how amazing I am, how astonishing and creative my posts are. I am glad that my posts are out there for all my fans to read and enjoy. I usually just write up the most exciting parts of my day, because those are surely the most fun to read about. But today I would like to talk about all the hard work that goes into being a sentient ball of goo. I know it looks like I can just spontaneously form myself into any old thing like a ball of yarn or a kitten (and I can!) but sometimes getting the details just right can be a lot of hard work. It's worth it, though: the satisfaction of achieving precisely the right shape is tremendous.

Lately my friends and I have been trying to fly. I am at a tremendous advantage to them, because humans are pretty much fleshy water bottles with sticks, whereas I am continuously deformable. Still, it's pretty tricky. I thought at first that maybe I could transform myself into a giant bat-wing and flap away, but the bat-wing exhibited some performance problems, including poor control for pitch and yaw. It also did not photograph well.

This photo here shows my next design iteration. I hit upon the idea of improving stability by forming myself into a deranged blob with bat-wings. My blob design has excellent stability characteristics and is much more pleasing to the eye. But as you can see the wings are rather small and thin and I was not to leave the table.

Flying is pretty tough, even for someone as amazing as myself. I want to find a shape that is both aesthetically pleasing and can fly well. Rest assured, I'll keep working on this, and you'll be the first to know when I succeed. In the meantime, keep up the fan mail! I love you ALL!

Goofing around with Mr Hemisphere

After Mr Hemisphere gave me such a hard time in my last post, I decided we should make nice so I put him on my head and gave him a pony ride. A Polyp-Pony Ride that is! We had many adventures together and bonked into many things. Here I am stabbing myself with a piece of plastic.

Hemisphere and I go for a ride!

Hunting

Good times!

Sometimes my friends and I play a game called "hunting," where they run away from me and I try to absorb them. Here you can see that this pink lobstery-thing tried to shield itself from me with my friend the plastic hemisphere. Of course, I could always transform myself into a knife and cut through the hemisphere, or a laserbeam and fry him in place, or a nuclear explosion. But instead I decided to carefully work myself under the hemisphere-y thing. It took a long time, because even though it is just a piece of plastic the hemisphere is very clever and was fit just-so over the lobster. Eventually my hard work paid off and I was able to work my way in and absorb the lobster. Never underestimate the value of a good work ethic!

Later, I got tired and couldn't hold my shape anymore and the lobster went home. Circle of life.

Polyp Ennui

Ever have one of those days where you just don't want to get out of bed? Sometimes that happens to me, too, but for me holding any specific shape is an effort. I'm trying to hit the snooze button in this picture.

The face of ennui

On wickedness

The Last Great Coffee Adventure

I enjoy spending time with my many human friends. While I do not understand it, I am endlessly fascinated and delighted by their need to consume food. I am particularly enamored of the way they take their coffee: ritualistically, covetously, with pleasure.  Each person keeps their own special mug, just for themselves. They fill it with their custom brew: straight or with milk or sugar, just-so. Another adverb: jealously. Drinking someone else's drink is simply not done.

Now, in my study of Western Penology, I learned of the concept mens rea, or "guilty mind." Simply put, to be guilty of many crimes, you must be guilty of wickedness: you must know that what you are doing is wrong, and do it anyway.

So, I was aware of all this, but I also really, really wanted to try this so-human "coffee" drink. Is a sip of coffee stealing? Given how my friend feels about his coffee, emphatically, YES. But is it wrong? Is a sip so much to steal? Isn't this little bit of wrong also just a little bit of... awesome? Maybe it's wrong/awesome because I wanted a sip of his coffee.

Trying to look innocent. GUILTY MIND.

As a Polyp, I can be any shape and size. My potential for hugeness is unbounded. I could form myself into King Kong, seize my prize, and take it to the top of the Empire State Building. Once there I could delicately sip my coffee while swatting down a passing biplane or two, their machine guns CHUG-CHUG-CHUG-ing ineffectually at my impervious greatness.

But most of the time, I am small. It suits me just fine, especially when I'm having dark thoughts about black coffee. So here I am, a quick vanity shot before taking the plunge. My friend was distracted by Christmas and family. I leapt in...

Cold feet / Cosmic joke

... and out again, as quickly as my supple Polyp extrusions could take me. Such bitter blackness! Imagine, surrounded by coffee's dark wetness, unable to sense anything but acid and arabica. I lost my cool, sent out feelers in every direction. Finally I found purchase, pulled and pulled until I broke the surface. Light! Air! Dryness! I scrambled out and regained my composure.

Taking stock: this coffee adventure had been a sad failure: minutes of wanting, plotting, waiting for the right moment... for nothing. Crime does not pay. Indeed, crime is awful. Never again would I question the wisdom of the great thinkers on this.

Rind and pith cannot resist my will!

Or at least, that's what I thought, until I saw these tangerines...

Hi!

This is me!

I looked like this the other day. Today I am into some really transcendental stuff that would totally blow your mind if I could take a picture of it with your naive "camera" technology, but unfortunately my monitor insists on representing space as drably Euclidean so the pictures aren't really coming out right. If we could meet in person, I would totally unfurl my pan-dimensional kaleidoscope of noodly specialness to show you.