Art star

Being an internet star is great. I set lofty goals for myself and track my progress in pageviews and klout. A few more "like"s and I will unlock the next level of Facebook Insights! And then, my friends, I will know everything about you. In aggregate.

Watching this project take off is more rewarding than staring at the sky ever was, and my new friends and I really enjoy posing for the camera. My photographer says it is because we are vapid and self-obsessed. I told him that as a Pop icon I reflect, enhance, and sublimate the world around me, so if he feels that we contribute nothing it must be because his own tendency to nihilism, despair, and self-destruction offers nothing for us to work with. "A million times zero," I said, "is still zero." Then he started crying and told me that he loved me and we held hands and I stroked his hair while he threw up from all the vodka we had been drinking.

Behind the scenes at a Polyp photo shoot

But the best part is hearing from you, my fans, about all the ways I've touched you and brought you up from your natural sloth to greatness. Beloved fan K left the couch long enough to write me this beautiful Valentine poem:

In Brooklyn, NEw (sic) York,
A red Polyp grows!
It blogs a mighty blog
about its wins and its woes!
Its friends are legion
and it fears no foes (sic)!
From whence it came?
NoBoDy (sic) KNows (sic)!

K, I want you to know that you touched me with your sincere delivery and that you and all my other fans are my #1!! Thanks for taking the time to share this with me.

Everyone: remember, the next time you are feeling like things are not right, that you are not on track, stop for a moment. Think about me, and everything will be ok.